"It took me twenty-six years just to find my path." - Hov
Have you ever read The Alchemist? If not, it’s a story about a shepherd, who was doing pretty good as a shepherd. Until he began to have this dream, about finding a treasure at the pyramids. He had this dream so much, that he was driven to go see a gypsy, to have it interpreted for him. She tells him that he must go to the pyramids. He's still unsure until, he meets a King who also tells him that he must go; because it’s his personal legend. So, he sells his sheep’s and take a ship over to Africa, in search for his treasure. As soon as he gets off the boat, he’s robbed and ready to go back home, but he has no money. So, he’s forced to work in this crystal shop.
At the crystal shop, he meets the owner, who’s been in a funk. When the shepherd shows up, he helps gets the shop back on its feet. Earning twice the money he had before. After six months, he told the shop owner he was going to return home. But it was something inside him that said, “I’ve already became the best shepherd from my hometown. Now, I know how to successfully run a crystal shop and can speak another language. What would it hurt if I continued? I can always turn back around and be a shepherd again.”
The last full week in July, I told my mentor, the founder of an organization I love deeply, that I will not be returning this year as a mentor. I made the decision in April, after weeks in the hospital, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell her. My partner teased me and said that I wouldn’t do it. Secretly, I agreed and didn’t think I could go through with it. But I prayed on it and knew that this was the best decision for me. Throughout the summer, I would have conversations with people involved in the organization, to gauge their reactions. I got a range of reactions, most of it was positive. Yet still, when it was time to tell my mentor, I was nervous. She had become like a second mother to me and the program had helped through tough times. She wasn’t just someone who helped me emotionally, she brought me clothes, we went out, she gave me decoration tips. I mean you name it!
However, to be a part of this organization it, requires a high level of dedication. One that I didn’t think I could keep and still stay true to my personal dreams. I've tried for years, but the truth is, you just can’t finish a goal being spread thin. So, when she called me in July, my heart knew there was no more hiding. It was time to tell the truth. It was time to move on. I had to ask myself, was this my higher-self making this choice or my ego? After doing a yoga session, it was so clear to me, that this step was necessary.
Being a part of the organization, has been a life changing experience. It literally changed the course of my life and assisted me in taking the steps to become who I am today. Looking back, I now can say, I had go back to this organization, to remember my younger non-jaded dreams. At the time of me re-joining, I had just left hell aka public accounting. I was starting a new job and trying to figure out what it meant to publish a novel. Rejoining, was a fresh start. Being around young ladies, who were bold and confident in their skin; made me question when I stop being so confident? Seeing them rocking their natural hair, made me question why I continued to hid behind weaves? It reminded me of all the confidence, I lost at Hampton. These eighteen-year-old girls, forced me to look in the mirror every single day and ask myself, “What happened to you? When did you become so fearful? When did you stop dreaming?”
Mentoring, these young ladies, put me back in touch with a part of myself, that I had lost. I cut my hair, went natural and began taking my writing seriously. It allowed me to look at the “steps”, I was taking (or not) towards my dreams. I learned to control energy, personalities and how to speak in front of large crowds. Still last year, I felt a noticeable shift. It didn’t excite me the same, it became harder to get there on time, and I didn’t feel like I was truly making an impact.
Truthfully, if I never spent three weeks in the hospital, I would have continued to be a part of the organization. Being in the hospital, seeing the college tour move forward, without a hitch. Made me realize that this program can survive without me. And if I was to stick around, it wouldn’t be because it was in my heart. It would have been because it was the “right thing to do”. This program was a safe-haven for me! The students thought I was funny, the mentors thought that I was respectful. They all made me feel smart and special. And my mentor? She just has a way of making you feel like you’re the only one. The idea of losing all of that, was terrifying.
Yet, staying would have been a decision, made from fear of the unknown. It would have been a choice of my ego and not me being true to myself. With my babies now entering senior year of college, this transition seems appropriate. Have you ever been in a situation like this? Or at a crossroads in your life? I hope you would be like the shepherd and I, and think about how far you have come? Think about all the things you have overcome, all the lessons you learned and make the decision from that vantage point. If you’re anything like the shepherd and I, you will realize that God, the universe, has always had you, so why would it stop now?
Right now, take an evaluation of everything you’re doing in your life: Are the things you spend the most time on: Pushing you towards the life you want or away from it? Answer that question truthfully, and have the confidence to move forward in the right direction, knowing that the universe has provide once and it will continue to provide again and again. Because it’s your divine right. Trust the skills and knowledge you have learned in this chapter and carry them to the next. Because....
“To realize one’s destiny is a person’s only obligation.” - The Alchemist
-AM
Until next time: "Hardship and suffering are things that people tend to try to avoid, especially since we all experience them. But God uses any hardship or suffering for our benefit,even when the human mind can't fathom it. Instead of avoiding hardship and suffering, I find myself embracing {it}, knowing God will restore me and provide strength I didn't have prior to my hardship and suffering."- Carvell Goodlow
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