“All this pain from the outside, inspired all this growth within. So new planes gettin’ broken in.”
Jay-Z
Earlier this year, I started working on a project that allowed me to view my work in a different way. Instead of just viewing this space as a place where I wrote letters, I see it as a space where people are introduced to me and my writing. I now look at this space as a body of work. This shift in mindset allowed me to get serious about my work and completing the projects that I have begun.
This meant taking time off Honestly Sis to give my all to my novel. I was rewarded by the book ending exactly how I saw it in my head. To celebrate I allowed myself time to focus on traveling and enjoying life again. This year I was able to travel to two different countries and seven cities. I tried new foods, met new people, and had life-changing conversations. I joined a black women writer’s group and a book club. And even attended a writer's conference called Thrillerfest. I taught countless yoga classes and was able to book two healing events connecting with women one-on-one.
Attending those events opened up a whole new world of possibility for me and it also confirmed that my gift is real. What you don’t know is that outside of this letter, only two letters were written in "real-time." (I’ll give you a free tarot reading if you can guess which ones.) Everything else was written in notebooks over a year ago. I like it like this because with distance I gain perspective. This year I learned the meaning of trusting the seasons of my life. There will be a time to plant seeds and a time for harvest. I'm not quite in my harvest season. But I have been in a season of great transition.
This season of my life revealed the other side of changing your life. It will not always be rainbows and sunshine. There will be clouds of sadness and that is ok. This season of my life has been about grieving not just friends and family. But old ways of being and mindsets. I used to think that changing your life was a simple and easy thing to do. But it’s not. It takes a lot to reprogram decades of programming. It a process that requires your attention daily and while it's hard, it's not impossible. While composing this season, I was annoyed that I kept reflecting on my childhood and upbringing. I wanted to focus on moving forward.
But to know where you are going, you must know where you have been. Reflection is a necessary part of life because the mind can be a fickle being always wanting more. Not taking in account just how much you have acquired. I'm grateful that I can see that I'm living in a prayer. I'm grateful for the time to reflect and discover myself again. I'm thankful that I had the chance to grow up without the added pressure of a spouse or a kid. I used to think that this time of isolation was a punishment. But now, I see it was a gift. It's like what Teyana Taylor said, "The wait wasn’t punishment. It was preparation.” This year I saw all the things that I was working on privately bloom publicly.
My trip to Italy was random and not something I had planned years in advance. But something deep down told me I had to make this trip happen. I planned out how to pay for the trip within the deadline. I figured out a way to get the plane tickets, and I did it all within four months. The only problem was that I also had to get my passport renewed. I should have realized that me and plenty of others would be trying to do the same thing. I submitted my passport application two months before the trip and hoped for the best. I had a dream one night that my passport came. But as I got closer and closer to my trip. There was no passport in sight.
When it got to the week of my trip, I called to inquire about my passport, and the lady told me in so many words: You didn’t mail your passport in time. There was nothing she could do. I was crushed. But magically, everything worked out, and I got to experience Italy. That entire ordeal didn’t just teach me about myself. But the universe as well. For years, I have been theorizing about the universe and spirit. But that week, I saw the universe move right before my eyes. That experience taught me that I will stop at nothing to make my dreams a reality, and my spirit team is the same way.
If I could make the impossible possible in that situation. I know that I will not only publish this book, but it will go on to be the New York Times Bestseller that I created it to be! In an interview, Jay-Z once said: You only have to be right once. That line has become my mantra. I only need to get one agent to like my book. I only need one publisher to agree to publish it. I have been so focused on the big numbers. That I forgot that the real work is done, one soul at a time. It only takes one person to change the trajectory of my entire life. After attending Thrillerfest this year and crushing it. I don’t believe it will be hard to find that person. This year, I could see that all my dreams were within reach.
This year showed me that one step can lead to so many things. Take my Yoga Teacher training, for example. I did the training purely for the love of yoga. Initially, I doubted myself for wasting so much time and energy on something that wasn't writing. But deep down, something told me to do it anyway. Four years later, I teach in my favorite yoga studio and book university events. I would have never been given those opportunities if I didn’t trust that little voice on the inside. Getting my yoga class proved that when you focus on the love, everything else will come. I am now applying that mindset to every area of my life.
In the Harry & Meghan Netflix documentary, they discussed their annual New Year's Eve tradition. Every year, they go around the table and pick a word for the year. My word for this year is courage. Courage is the ability to do something that frightens you or strength in the face of grief. This year, I have had to advocate for myself. I had to learn to stand up for myself. I had to learn to be ok with myself. I took myself on grand adventures and did it all while scared. But for the first time, I realized I have always been this way. I jump and then worry about landing later. I’ve been beating myself up for not being famous by now. But the truth is my life has changed drastically since starting this space.
I have accomplished goals and dreams. I have celebrated achieving milestones and new ventures. It's happening! It's just happening more slowly than I would like it to happen. But it is happening. It takes courage to try and become something you have never seen before. But how would anyone even know it's possible if you don't do it? Dr. Maya Angelou says that courage is the most important of all the virtues because, without courage, you can't practice any other virtue consistently. Courage has allowed me to travel to foreign countries by myself. Courage allowed me to walk around Thrillerfest with my head held high, bumping shoulders RL Stine.
Courage is what allowed me to sit in the front row of panels and ask questions like I belong. Courage is what allowed me to continue to write and believe that I can make something out of myself. Despite my physical reality showing me the opposite! Courage is what keeps me having faith. I am committed to being a student and witness to life. In the end, Honestly Sis will be a living, breathing testimony of what it means to not only believe in a higher power but to work with it! This space has been such a blessing to me. I am grateful to have you as a witness to my journey. Thank you for making all this process worth it! I am committed to this space like I am committed to my dreams.
This year has taught me that I can be and do anything, just not at the same time. Finishing my novel taught me that to complete a project, I have to give it my focus. I must dedicate my energy towards it and while I love to juggle multiple projects, my babies deserve my undivided attention. So, from now on, I'm moving like the seasons and trusting my flow. This means that the Honestly Sis's newsletter will be delivered in seasons and we just wrapped up our first one! I’m done worrying about the numbers, growth, or a miracle. I’m done thinking, plotting, and wondering what this space will become. From now on I am only focusing on the one thing that matters: The Work.
Because the universe has shown me time and time again it will take care of everything else!
AM
JOURNAL PROMPTS:
What has changed in your life this year?
What are some obstacles you have overcome?
What's your word for the year?
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